The doormat effect: when forgiving erodes self-respect and self-concept clarity.
We build on principles from interdependence theory and evolutionary psychology to propose that forgiving bolsters one's self-respect and self-concept clarity if the perpetrator has acted in a manner that signals that the victim will be safe and valued in a continued relationship with the perpetrator but that forgiving diminishes one's self-respect and self-concept clarity if the perpetrator has not. Study 1 employed a longitudinal design to demonstrate that the association of marital forgiveness with trajectories of self-respect over the first 5 years of marriage depends on the spouse's dispositional tendency to indicate that the partner will be safe and valued (i.e., agreeableness). Studies 2 and 3 employed experimental procedures to demonstrate that the effects of forgiveness on self-respect and self-concept clarity depend on the perpetrator's event-specific indication that the victim will be safe and valued (i.e., amends). Study 4 employed a longitudinal design to demonstrate that the association of forgiveness with subsequent self-respect and self-concept clarity similarly depends on the extent to which the perpetrator has made amends. These studies reveal that, under some circumstances, forgiveness negatively impacts the self.
Luchies
Laura B
LB
Department of Psychology, Northwestern University, 2029 Sheridan Road, Swift Hall, Room 102, Evanston, IL 60208-2710, USA. l-luchies@northwestern.edu
Finkel
Eli J
EJ
McNulty
James K
JK
Kumashiro
Madoka
M
D001288:Attention; D001290:Attitude; D005075:Biological Evolution; D008192:Deception; D004645:Empathy; D005260:Female; D006801:Humans; D033182:Intention; D007398:Interpersonal Relations; D008297:Male; D012649:Self Concept; D011795:Surveys and Questionnaires; D055815:Young Adult