title: Sidelines.
abstract: ■ If Lord Stoddard of Swindon ever ends up in hospital, nurses should beware of (ailing hint David. At least, not unless they are sure he won't be offended. The Labour peer is upset at the overfamiliarity of NHS staff who address patients by their first names rather than their surnames. Lord Stoddard is so concerned that he has urged health minister Baroness Jay to issue orders to all NHS hospitals. His Lordship, as he may wish to be described, believes NHS patients should be treated 'like paying customers' and 'customers should be addressed by their surnames and titles unless the use of their Christian name is desired and sanctioned by the customer'.